I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
