I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
