Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
