So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
