Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
