She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
