You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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