Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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