Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
as a side note pls kill me
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