I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just invented taco cereal.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
