I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
