I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm like, not good at living.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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