Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
