It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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