i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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