She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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