It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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