i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
