I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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