It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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