Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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