She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize