life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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