My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
