never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
