you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
