Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
