sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
