actually, I'm a sock model
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
