That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
