For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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