He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
