My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
