i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
