he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
