Don't make out with my wife yet
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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