did you get engaged???
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
