I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
