eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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