So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
