I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's like God shit irony all over that family
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
