i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
