My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
