i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
