I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
