talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
