You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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