____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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