Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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