So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
