Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
