I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
