I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
