okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
