Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
