i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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