kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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