I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
