I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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