dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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