I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize