You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
