Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
