Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
